


The Longest Night

by chaotic_carisi



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26777395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotic_carisi/pseuds/chaotic_carisi
Summary: Rafael Barba was used to waiting. He waited for the verdict from a jury most days, he waited for the detectives of the Manhattan special victims’ unit to bring him witnesses, he waited for his husband to come home. Tonight, however, was different.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	The Longest Night

Rafael Barba was used to waiting. He waited for the verdict from a jury most days, he waited for the detectives of the Manhattan special victims’ unit to bring him witnesses, he waited for his husband to come home. Tonight, however, was different. His husband was undercover on a case, a tough one from what the Lieutenant told him, and a dangerous one. Sonny had been undercover for 2 weeks, 2 long, eternal feeling weeks, and Rafael was struggling without him. It took a few days for him to get used to being alone in the apartment. He thought of the unanswered questions he asked, the glances at thin air, the harsh silence at night when he awoke from yet another nightmare. 

He sighed, and pushed his work to the side, unable to focus. He knew Sonny wouldn’t be home tonight, but he still listened out for the familiar sound of his keys in the door, his footsteps in the hallway, the whistling that Rafael had grown to love. Silence. There was only silence as Rafael made his way into the kitchen, pouring himself a scotch as he thought about the first time he met Sonny.

-

Rafael was helping Liv with a case, trying to find new witnesses, when Sonny had introduced himself.

“Dominick Carisi, Jr. Call me Sonny.” He said, reaching out to shake Rafael’s hand. Rafael knew he was a lost cause as soon as he looked into those baby blue eyes, feeling his breath catch as he shook the taller man’s hand. 

“ADA Rafael Barba.” He said, trying hopelessly to remember why he was there. All details of the case were gone as he took in Sonny, noting every little detail about him. He tore his gaze away from Sonny’s, now noting his hair, imagining himself running his hands through as- No, Rafael thought, no he couldn’t think like that, but he couldn’t stop, now wondering what it would feel like to kiss him, unable to help himself from staring at his lips, imagining the feel of Sonny’s moustache brushing against his top lip. He felt his cheeks burn red and he dropped his gaze to the floor, quickly trying to refocus on the case, but Sonny spoke again and Rafael was instantly hooked on his accent. He wasn’t even listening to what the detective was saying, only how he was saying it, and once again his mind wandered, imagining things he had no idea could become reality. 

-

An hour had passed. Rafael was sitting on the couch now, his third scotch in his hand, his free arm covering his eyes as he leaned back. His mind was rushing, endless possibilities flashing by no matter how hard he tried to keep them away. A constant rush of ‘what if this’ and ‘what if that’ made his way into his thoughts, leaving him shaking as he sat forward, placing his now empty glass on the table in front of him. 

“Come back to me Sonny.” He whispered as he buried his head in his hands, turning his thoughts to when they had finally acted on their feelings for each other. 

-

It had been a long day, and Rafael was just glad to take a break. The precinct was empty, and he knew the detectives wouldn’t be back for a while. He made his way over to the closest desk, and sat down, too tired to check whose desk he was about to take a nap on. He buried his head in the crook of his elbow on the desk, and quickly fell asleep. 

Rafael woke up, feeling rested but still tired, and became aware of the fact that someone was watching him. He sat up, and found himself wide awake and breathless as he looked into those baby blue eyes once again. 

“Good evening, Counsellor.” Sonny said with a smile. He was sitting on the edge of the desk, holding a coffee cup, which he offered to Rafael. 

“Thanks.” Rafael said, taking the cup and shaking his head. Of course, he’d chosen Carisi’s desk, of all the desks in the building he had chosen this one. Then a thought passed through his mind. “Were you watching me sleep?” He asked, avoiding eye contact. 

“Maybe,” Sonny shrugged. “You’re a lot more peaceful when you sleep. It makes a nice change.” Rafael felt his cheeks burn red as Sonny laughed. He stood up, a little too quickly, and reached a hand out in panic as he felt the room spin. Sonny caught him, placing one arm on his waist and the other on his shoulder, straightening up as he steadied Rafael. “You alright?” he asked. 

Rafael just nodded, staring into Sonny’s eyes, unsure of what to say next. He could do it, he thought, he could just kiss him right now. But then he’d probably have to leave New York out of embarrassment. Before he could turn away, Sonny had glanced around the empty precinct, and leaned down, kissing Rafael before he could react. 

Rafael felt himself melt against Sonny, reaching up with his free hand. He placed his hand on Sonny’s shoulder but then stopped, pulling himself back. “Maybe not here?” He whispered, worried in case someone saw them. 

“Alright, dinner then?” Sonny asked, still holding onto Rafael, who nodded. 

“Dinner sounds good.” He said, then before he could stop himself, he kissed Sonny again, grateful to be able to after thinking about it for years. This time when he pulled away, he turned and left, Sonny close behind, feeling happier than he had in a long time. 

-

Rafael was sitting on the edge of the bed now, smiling as he thought of that first kiss and the dinner that followed. He thought of the countless stolen kisses as they passed each other in court or in the precinct, and the secret lunch dates in Rafael’s office until they finally told the others. 

He glanced around the room, missing Sonny’s warmth and found himself looking up to where their degrees hung on the wall. He knew Sonny wanted to stay with the NYPD for now, but he couldn’t help but wish he would use his law degree. 

He remembered when Sonny had studied for the bar, buried under piles of papers every day for months, and how it had all been worth it when he passed. This was also when Rafael had proposed, at dinner after Sonny had received his results. 

He lay back on the bed, twisting his wedding ring around his finger as he thought back to their wedding day. 

-

Rafael had never been happier in his life. He felt like his chest was going to burst as he faced Sonny. He barely heard what the minister was saying, he was lost in Sonny’s eyes once again, noticing his tie was a very similar shade of blue. 

The night passed far too quickly for both of them. One minute, they were kissing at the altar, then they were dancing, and suddenly they were at home again, Sonny carrying Rafael through the doorway as they laughed. 

They lay in bed that night, Rafael leaning on sonny’s chest as he ran a hand gently through his hair, talking about the day until they fell asleep. 

-

Rafael woke suddenly, his phone ringing on the bedside table. 

“Hello?” He said, still half asleep. Nothing could have prepared him for the reply. 

“It’s Sonny. He’s in the hospital.”

Rafael felt everything stop. He dropped his phone onto the bed and rushed to get changed, barely aware of what he was doing. His mind was rushing, every possible incident making its way into his thoughts. He was barely aware that he had left the apartment, only coming to his senses when he stopped outside the hospital. He stood there, in the cold, panting. What if? 

He made his way inside, asking reception where to go, following signs in a daze. This couldn’t be happening. Maybe he just broke a bone, or got a concussion. 

Rafael felt relieved as he noticed the gathering of detectives outside the room that he assumed Sonny was in. He didn’t want to be alone now. He didn’t want to be alone ever again. 

He didn’t stop to talk to them, he just needed to know, he needed to see. He pushed the door open, taking a deep breath, and burst into a smile as he saw Sonny sitting there, smiling back at him. He rushed over to him, hugging him with too much force, burying his face in his chest as the tears started to fall. 

“I thought… I thought- “ He couldn’t bring himself to say what he thought, but Sonny understood. 

“I’m here, and I’m fine.” He said, kissing Rafael on the top of his head. Rafael stood up, looking at his husband. He was smiling, but that couldn’t distract Rafael from noticing the sweat on his head, the bandage around his chest, the pain in his eyes. Sonny noticed Rafael staring and said, “I was shot, but it’s fine, I’m gonna pull through Raf. I promise.” He paused, then, “Hey, could you find me a sandwich or something? I’m starving.” Rafael nodded, leaned down and kissed his husband, and then turned and set out to find a sandwich. 

He took his time as he walked through the hospital, eventually finding the canteen. He got Sonny’s sandwich, and a coffee for himself. He made his way back to Sonny’s room, smiling to himself as he thought about how Sonny would probably need to take some time off work for his injury. The injury obviously wasn’t a good thing, but Rafael wasn’t going to complain about seeing his husband on a daily basis. 

He could tell something was wrong as soon as he got back to Sonny’s room. The others were gone, only Liv stood outside now, and her face told Rafael everything he needed to know. 

Time stopped for Rafael. The coffee cup and sandwich hit the floor, hot coffee splashed up his leg, but Rafael didn’t move. He didn’t say anything. He just stopped. He felt all the effort leave his body as he dropped to his knees, barely reacting as the coffee burnt him. He still didn’t react when Liv reached out, placing her hand on his shoulder. She pulled him up from the ground and into a hug, and Rafael let it happen. He barely noticed that he had started crying, silent tears running down his face as he realized his life was over. 

They stood like this for a while, until Rafael came to his senses. He didn’t bother to ask what happened, not right now. He’d asked in a day or two, if he knew he could face it. He pulled himself away from Liv and glanced into the now empty room. He was really gone. He was vaguely aware of Liv asking him something, but he didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want to do anything. He left the hospital, barely aware of the rain. He walked home in the dark, wondering if it was possible for him to ever feel anything again. He felt numb. 

He made his way into the flat and poured himself a scotch, before sitting on the floor, not wanting to feel comfortable now, he wouldn’t dare try and make himself feel better. He sat on the cold floor, alone, and began to cry.


End file.
